“Halloween: the night that fathers get their hearts broken when they see their daughters costume.” - Whitney Cummings.“Halloween is just finals week for parents.” - Jim Gaffigan.“On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.” - Rodney Dangerfield.“For Halloween I’m going as a narcissist.” - Conan O’Brien.“Every day is Halloween, isn’t it? For some of us.” - Tim Burton.“How many more months of Halloween this year?” - Jim Gaffigan.“I didn’t know if you have kids you need five different costumes.” - Mindy Kaling.Even though he tasted delicious.” - Nandor, “What We Do in the Shadows” TODAY Illustration Short funny Halloween quotes “Kinda spooky that Halloween has never fallen on Friday the 13th.” - Stephen Colbert.“This Halloween I’m going as a human disaster that way I don’t have get dressed up.” - Jim Gaffigan.“If the ghost of a murdered girl really existed I think she’d have something better to do than haunt people who don’t forward chain emails.” - Rhys James.You can tell because all the stores are decked out for Christmas.” - Stephen Colbert “Halloween is right around the corner.“Little tip, when you show up to a Halloween party not dressed up, it’s the same as showing up to a normal party in a costume.” - Josh Groban.“Just put on my Halloween costume! This year I’m going as ‘Guy Who Thinks Halloween Is On October 18th.’” - Stephen Colbert.“It’s that special time of year where we voluntarily imbibe pumpkin-spiced lattes: the coffee that tastes like a candle.” - John Oliver.You’re like, ‘What is this? What did you say about giving out candy? Who is giving out candy?’ Everyone that we know is just giving out candy?’” - Jerry Seinfeld “The first time you hear the concept of Halloween when you’re a kid, your brain can’t even process the information.All my life my parents said, ‘Never take candy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for it.’ I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, ‘Trick or treat.no, thank you.’” - Rita Rudner
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